


We'll be free

by PT_Selly



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Ficlet, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Melancholy, One Shot, Out of Character I think, POV First Person, Pre-Slash, they're both broken
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-17 21:04:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14197653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PT_Selly/pseuds/PT_Selly
Summary: "Are you all right?""I'm fine," you said simply."Are you?"





	We'll be free

I was watching you for days. I watched you as you came into the Great Hall, as you ate your food, I watched you how you swirled your robe when you turned around. I watched you when you taught in class, and when you gave detentions. Everyone thought nothing has changed, but they didn't pay as much attention to you as me.

When I looked into your eyes, I saw nothing. Those beautiful black eyes weren't burning and didn't glare at me with hate. They were empty. Just an empty road to your empty soul. I knew something terrible had happened to you, but you gave detentions, you shouted and called everybody brainless idiots, so people thought you were all right.

***

At one Saturday night, I collected all my Gryffindor courage, and I knocked on your door. I must have been crazy, but I couldn’t live like that anymore. Not knowing what’s up with you. You tore up the door, and I was waiting for you to start yelling at me, but you just looked at me with a blank face.

"What do you want?" you asked.

"Are you all right?" I asked back.

"I'm fine," you said quietly. You are fine. I know this answer to well too because I'm fine too. I'm fine when I want to cry, shout and break things. I'm fine when I'm hurt, depressed and feel lonely. I'm fine when I want to give up or kill myself. I'm fine whenever I don't want to talk about my feelings.

"Are you?" I asked worryingly and a bit arrogantly.

"Yes," came the answer. You lied to me. I knew it was a lie because if you were really okay, you would glare at me and say ‘Mr. Potter my wellbeing is none of your business!’ and you’d give me detention or take house points, but nothing like happened. You were broken inside. This was the real you and what the others were seeing during the day was just an act. A bloody well act! I missed the old you, but I knew you wouldn't talk to me. Not now, so I nodded, turned around and walked away.

***

A few days later you found me in the corridors after curfew, and you weren't actually surprised. I was sitting on a little terrace railing and admiring the stars. What surprised me was that you sat down next to me and for a while, you were also watching the sky.

"There are hundred millions of little stars in the Milky Way," you said out of the blue, "Some of them aren't even existing anymore, we only see their lights."

I'm crap at astronomy I wanted to say, but I also bad at small talks. You turned your face to me, and after a long time, I see emotions in your eyes. You were incredibly sad.

"I feel like I losing myself. Each day when I see my reflection in the mirror, I’m afraid it's going to fade away. I see myself paler, whiter, more transparent, and I'm scared that one day I won't see anything in there. The fighting, the spying, the lies are killing me. I wanted to talk about it with somebody. I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell, shout about it, but nobody's care. In the end, all I could do was whisper 'I'm fine.' But I'm not."

I reached out to your hand, and I saw that the physical contact surprised you. I guessed not many people wanted to hold your hand, but I do. When you didn't pull away, I moved closer to you and snuggled up to you. You froze. You just sat there helplessly not to know what to do. I reached out to your other hand, and I wrapped myself in your embrace.

"I know how you feel, not just because I see it, but I feel the same. People out there waiting for me to do something unbelievable, to make a miracle and save them. And no matter how hard I try they want more, and they don't care about how I feel... They say 'I'm here for you Harry,' but they aren't there when I'm questioning myself or what I'm doing. At those times I feel everything is falling apart, that I am falling apart. I just want, this whole war, to be over. "I sighed and pulled you more close, "But I think if we hold each other tight enough I will be whole again, and you won't fade away."

You said nothing, but I feel your lips on my neck. You didn't kiss me just pushed your mouth onto my skin, and you took a deep breath. You locked our fingers together and leaned back against the wall. You pulled me closer, and it felt so good that you want nothing from me. You just wanted to hold me.

"The stars are beautiful tonight," you whispered.

"Yes, they are, " I replied and we spend the rest of the night in silence, watching the stars, holding each other, and when the sun came up, we left the castle hand in hand to face our fate.

Were we scared? No, because we had each other.

It didn't matter if we lose or win, either way, we will be free.

**Author's Note:**

> I was surfing on Pinterest, reading quotes and the next moment I was seized with the desire to write. Half an hour later I had this on my screen... So, that's what happened and I thought if I had already written it, I could even upload it.  
> It's a bit dark, sad, melancholy, isn't it? Usually, I don't write things like this. I love fluff and happiness (rainbows and unicorns), but life isn't always a pinky-soft-bubble.
> 
> I don't have betas, and I'm not a native English speaker, so all mistakes are mine, but be kind and try to ignore them.  
> Thanks for reading it! :*


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